Relationship -
Essentials Before Entering a Relationship
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1) Know yourself, know what you want and need. 2) Consider your dreams, goals and plans for your future. 3) Decide what, if anything, you are willing to sacrifice to make the odds of succeeding in a relationship better. 4) If children are in your plans determine a parenting style you are comfortable with and what characteristics your partner must have. 5) Consider your budgeting style, are you a spender or a saver. |
When I listed ‘know
yourself' as step one I thought many people might get confused. For
most people this is really the most prolonged step. In order to be
familiar with yourself you will need to carefully examine what is
important to you. After carrying out this step you will be able to tell
anyone your basic thoughts about the fundamentals of life as you see it.
I advise that you begin with your morals, belief, and principles. I always find it supportive to make lists on paper (or a computer screen) so I can look over it and keep a mental image of it. If you should prefer making this list mentally alone, that is also fine. The purpose of defining these things for yourself is so that you can analyze the importance of each for yourself. For example, a very religious person might want to raise their children in the same religion, hence being important to that individual. Consider how you would feel if your partner had a different religion and wanted to raise your children in his religion. All people have a mental image of how they want their future to be. The point in this step is so that you become absolutely clear on your goals and you can easily determine what priority they have to you.
I advise that you begin with your morals, belief, and principles. I always find it supportive to make lists on paper (or a computer screen) so I can look over it and keep a mental image of it. If you should prefer making this list mentally alone, that is also fine. The purpose of defining these things for yourself is so that you can analyze the importance of each for yourself. For example, a very religious person might want to raise their children in the same religion, hence being important to that individual. Consider how you would feel if your partner had a different religion and wanted to raise your children in his religion. All people have a mental image of how they want their future to be. The point in this step is so that you become absolutely clear on your goals and you can easily determine what priority they have to you.
When I listed ‘know
yourself' as step one I thought many people might get confused. For
most people this is really the most prolonged step. In order to be
familiar with yourself you will need to carefully examine what is
important to you. After carrying out this step you will be able to tell
anyone your basic thoughts about the fundamentals of life as you see it. I advise that you begin with your morals, belief, and principles. I always find it supportive to make lists on paper (or a computer screen) so I can look over it and keep a mental image of it. If you should prefer making this list mentally alone, that is also fine. The purpose of defining these things for yourself is so that you can analyze the importance of each for yourself. For example, a very religious person |
might want to raise their children in the same religion, hence being
important to that individual. Consider how you would feel if your
partner had a different religion and wanted to raise your children in
his religion, that is also fine. The purpose
of defining these things for yourself is so that you can analyze the
importance of each for yourself. For example, a very religious person
might want to raise their children in the same religion, hence being
important to that individual. Consider how you would feel if your
partner had a different religion and wanted to raise your children in
his religion. Step three is review your lists from step one and two in order to determine what sacrifices of the above you are willing to make. An example: You partner feels that his goals are more beneficial and contributes more to the relationship, therefore you support them and put your dreams and aspirations on hold.
Raising children often result in arguments between the two parents. One may have a more liberal style of parenting while the other is very strict and authoritative. Think of ways that you would handle the situation. Would you be able to direct the relationship and parenting method in the right direction?
And the last step I have listed is determining your budgeting style. Some spenders and some savers. Arguments over money are frequent in relationships. Sometimes having a spender and a saver in the couple is the ideal mix. They tend to balance each other out and come to a perfect understanding. But if you have been on your own for awhile it may be hard to switch styles. Imagine yourself confronting this situation.
By evaluating yourself before you even begin a relationship you will be better equipped to make an intellectual decision about the practicability of the partnership. Some relationships may be better left as friends than spending a lifetime together.
Raising children often result in arguments between the two parents. One may have a more liberal style of parenting while the other is very strict and authoritative. Think of ways that you would handle the situation. Would you be able to direct the relationship and parenting method in the right direction?
And the last step I have listed is determining your budgeting style. Some spenders and some savers. Arguments over money are frequent in relationships. Sometimes having a spender and a saver in the couple is the ideal mix. They tend to balance each other out and come to a perfect understanding. But if you have been on your own for awhile it may be hard to switch styles. Imagine yourself confronting this situation.
By evaluating yourself before you even begin a relationship you will be better equipped to make an intellectual decision about the practicability of the partnership. Some relationships may be better left as friends than spending a lifetime together.
